A short Reminder...

Don’t jeopardize your 

dignity and self-respect 

by trying to make someone 

accept, love and appreciate 

you 

when they have proven that 

they 

are 

incapable 

of doing so.

Douche: The new purple.

Here's the current trend report:

Jersey jackets, atkins diets, and A-holes.

What's the deals, peeps?

Everybody seems to be enthralled by the douchy guy/girl, well aware of their douchiness, let allow him/her to play a vital role in their lives. Why?

Because it gives us some kind of gain.

There are different scenarios for this though, from the perspective of a guy or a girl.

Here's Scenario 1: Guy is Douche.

Girl likes guy.

Guy likes vagina.

Girl is genuinely in like-love with guy.

Guy is genuinely horny, mighty douchy.

Girl lets him hit 1st base. And 2nd, 3rd, 4th.

Guy gets what he wants.

Girl calls guy.

Guy does not answer.

Girl waits for guy.

Guy goes for other girls.

Girl wonders what she did wrong.

Guy parties on.

Girl sees guy with other girl. Cries. Gets pissed.

Yet.

Still keeps guy around.

Why does girl keep guy around?

Girls are programmed to nurture people. We are the baby's bosom and no matter what the scenario is, we have this computer chip of provender and care in us. This is not to say that all girls are like Poor Girl up there. We have different genes, different upbringing, different scenarios, yet quite comparable to a male figure, girls will find more compassion in situations, which brings more questions, more emotion, more logic into play on relationships and life in general.

Girl obviously likes guy. Guy is fooling around, being a guy, bless him, but does not know the actions and effects he is putting on poor girl. She keeps him around because when guy plays hard to get (in which case he might literally be), she goes after him with primal notion. She knows what she wants. And she's going to get it. At least that's what the girl's mind is thinking. For girls, when we see guys, we primitively want them to nurture US, to be the caretakers for us, to protect us from bad, to keep us warm, to be the strong male role model we see ourselves deserving, and ultimately, giving us the right to be a woman. When the man is doing the opposite, and disobeying the law of human nature, he becomes questionable. 

Now how can we fix this?

Is that Girl's first question?

Cause knowing that Girl is genuinely looking for love, looking for commitment, and a wholesome man, she should obviously put this tainted project down and begin a new one. She should. But she doesn't. She's a nurturer and she'll go looking for a way to fix this broken record. What she will go through may be long term or short, emotionally draining or light, and life changing or viciously cycling.

As a woman, I see how we have the passion to fix a man up. To change him from his gritty ways and turn him into a prince. We all want to be the one to change him. If it wasn't you that did, it was the last girl to make him better for you. And if it wasn't her, it might be the next. Whatever the case, it's a beneficial feeling, helping someone out, knowing that they are better off with you. At the same time, you may not be the right one to change them. 

"The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby." - Natalie Wood

Do not get discouraged, our care is genuine and compassionate. But it is literally impossible to change someone if they refuse to be changed. Think about it in their shoes. For Guy, he is a party boy. He is blowing girls off, acting a douche, and not to say that this type of behavior is literally correct, but he could be going through a stage. Just like we all do in life. A good part about the douche factor is that many people quickly ease in and out of it. Some people don't even have it for long. A night, a week, a spring break, we all vary. And girls do it too. Oh girl, we do it too.

Scenario 2: Girl is a ho.

Guy likes girl.

Girl likes guy(s).

Guy wants girl to commit herself.

Girl wants to party.

Guy is head over heels for girl.

Girl is aware, yet gives no compassion.

Guy is pitifully let down, yet still believes things will work.

Why does guy let himself be led on like this?

It's much more pathetic looking at a led-on situation from a guy's perspective. Mainly being, because guys are usually the ones to do it (experience reference). But, these situations do occur and when they do, guys, hold your mutha****** hats. 

Girls are crazy. We know this. You know this. And even the stable girls know this, cause we all have the lunatic pillow-punching bitch deep down inside us. It's not our fault, we come prepackaged with a whole lot of estrogen and when you have that much emotion, boy, it's a whole career trying to balance them out. 

In scenario 2, Guy is infatuated with Girl. It may be her stance, it may be her quirkiness, it may be her professionalism. Whatever the cause, he is sprung and when a dedicated man knows what he wants, he'll get it. Or so he thinks. In a man's world, I believe they like hard-to-get girls because it gives them an honest to goodness challenge. It keeps them busy. It fires their grill and sharpens their steel. A woman, to most men, is one of the most mystical and confusing creatures of all. Which is why they like cars so much. Call a car Baby and she'll never talk back. Anyway, the challenge is there and there he will go.

Is this why guys don't like the easy girls?

The easy girls are usually the ones to put out first. Maybe they know they're easy, maybe they don't. Maybe they're doing it on purpose, maybe it's genuine. Most guys will still hit that and be done. There was no challenge. He don't wanna stay around for any b.s. He had a deed, like you both were well aware of, and both of you got it done. Case closed, hasta luego. Does that make girls sad? Do birds fly?

One of the hardest things for girls, and guys alike, is the point of after-hook ups. There is a hint of 'now what' in the air. For girls, it's a clear case of 1. 'Ugh I never want to see him again' (Douchebags, this is your gold), or 2. 'I like him, he better change his Facebook status NOW'. If you're in between, honey, you're bound to flip one switch soon. For guys, well 1. 'That was great. Bye.' or 2. 'That was great. Round 2?'. Why do we have to be so different?

I could keep going on and on about this situation. It is the problem of centuries. However, there is a simple basic answer to it:

Do what you enjoy.

Be happy.

If he/she ain't giving you the love, drop them.

There's no need to be mean in the process; let them know how you feel and if their answer is different than yours and the door is looking shut, walk yourself out. We, as human beings, should be thriving, beautiful, lively, LIVING. Not tied down in bullshit shenanigans that we see happen over and over again in movies and tv and to our best friends.

Do not ever, ever, ever change yourself for someone else. 

You are much too f****** important for that. You can change your clothes, do your hair, put on some shoes, but keep what's inside REAL.

The time is now.

If you're in a douchy relationship and you are reading this, take it from me, it's not getting any better. 

You will. 

Breaking the Bars: Sex with the X

This is a common case, no?

Depending upon time/whereabouts/the past/emotions/etc, the act of X-sex is actually a good thing. 

Why?

There are Pros:

1. It is consensual.

2. You know exactly what/where/how he/she likes it and vise-versa.

3. It's comfortable and you can relax (there's no awkward situations, you've been through this, remember?)

Sex with the ex can be extraordinary. But with all the pros come a few cons as well. After all, there is a reason they're called the ex, right? Mm-hmmmmmm.

Cons:

1. It is uncomfortably awkward (but you didn't intend for it to be).

2. One person still has feelings for the other (oh shnap).

3. It brings up bad memories.

Poor Peter.

The list could go on...It's great because you guys haven't seen each other in a long time and you can play catch up while playing dress down; it's bad because he whipped it out and you were reminded of the time you guys were drunk in the shower and he slipped out of the tub, etc... 

Whether the sex is good or not, the agreement should be in place. Don't go thinking you can get drunk and push your feelings aside either, that may hurt you. Mutually agree that this is something you both can hop on, pun intended, and enjoy the ride, to intend the pun. Just like friends with benefits, the rules are the same. Always remember that there are TWO people in this game, and along with people come emotions, feelings, maybe even a little bit of resentment. Don't go bringing up the past once you guys have hooked up. Like "Remember that time you stood me up mutha f*&#@?!". A little bit of hastiness can turn sex into a power trip (sex is directly linked to human bonding), so don't go messing around with people through that. Big no-no. A playful flirtation is probably the healthiest flow a past relationship can have in order to grow from the ending you both had. And from here, there are many doors that could open.

Sure, you guys might actually end up re-igniting the fire, which I *golf clap* you on. But another scenario that might end up happening is that they become your bootycall. Now I'm on the fence about this one. Like the notion above, there's a reason they're your ex. In which case, you must look over the scenarios from you and only your perspective. There could be a million reasons why you guys broke up. Maybe it was because he cheated on you. Maybe you cheated on him. Maybe his voice irritated you. Maybe you were too clingy. Whatever the case, I do advise you above anything else, to make sure that you are emotionally aware of the situation and the underlying predicaments that may pop up. 

Y'know how they say to 'live everyday like its your last'? Do that, but make like just in case it's not your last, you didn't just juggle up your emotions (esp for the girls, haaay).

Happy sEXing.

'Dangle The Pussy'

Last night I worked a charity event, held at a night club for an organization called Women Speaking Out. Our spa gave out free massages/mani/pedis, while a bachelor auction was going off (ironic because the event was to fight domestic violence, lol). The first bachelor to go up was a firefighter, and was ogled by every woman in there, but was ultimately taken home by a lady with glasses for $150. It was chaotic in there. My co-worker and I went outside to grab a smoke, plopping next to Glasses Lady. 'Congratulations' I told her. She was so happy, I could feel the euphoria whisping out of her voice onto my face. 'I don't know why I did that! My co-workers kept telling me to sit down but I couldn't help myself! He's so cyuuuuute!' she snorted. She was really funny. She said how excited she was for the date (all auctioned men come with a movie, dinner cruise, etc) and how she hasn't been on one in years. I was genuinely excited for her. I then drunkenly told her to 'dangle the pussy'. My co-worker's eyeballs widened to the point of popping. 'What's that mean?' she asked me. 'When the timing is right, dangle the pussy! It's regulation of gender!'. 'Don't tell her that!' said my co-worker. 'I'm just letting her in on a fact of life' I said. 'Heh heh heh (nervous laughter)...Really, should I do that?'. 'Yes' I said, 'When you know what you want and he knows he wants it, dangle dangle dangle and all your dreams will come true'. She abided and we went in to get dranks.

Now in all retrospect, I mean well when I tell women to 'DTP'. It is, as a fact, a crucial part of our livelihood. Men want it, we got it, it's power in our hands. And I don't mean to literally take off your panties, hover over a guy and DANGLE. I mean to know your value, what you hold, and ultimately, the authority you own to someone of the pursuing. When someone pursues you, they're already hooked from the attraction. Maybe it's the way your hair falls, the way you sip your beer, the tone of your voice when you say 'I know my worth'. Whatever it is, if it's a mutual attraction, both parties are doing the scoping (DTP could also mean dangle the penis, right). Now with DTP comes work. Show them what you got. Bat those lashes. Drop some swagger! I don't think I'd converse with 75% as many guys as I did, had I not DTP and shown some confidence and myself, some self-respect.

DTP is simple and e-z. Be confident. My best friend asks me a few days ago 'Do you know what my man  says is the sexiest thing in a woman is?'. 'Confidence' we both say at the same time. Touche. I figure if I were to pick up a book and it had no explanation, basic font, and a dull picture, I'd regret that arm crunch and go for something that captivated my attention more. Even with physical determination, like surfing. We strive for that wave. We paddle for that wave. We put all this energy into something rewarding yet until the last drop in, there's a line of confidence and fear. Are you gonna make it? Or are you gonna eat water? Think about it this way: When you go for something your gut knows will happen, your mind/body will work it out for you without you even realizing it (others will). When you over-think your decisions, things get mushy and tend to fall apart. Who cares about what other people think? They got their own shiz to take care of. Time to let things go and ride/strut your stuff. When you know you got it in the bag, these goals seem a whole lot easier. And you caught a nice wave/boy.

There's always a point of fear and disappointment. At the fundraiser, I asked one of the bachelors if he wanted to dance. He said yes. He did not. He ended up chatting with skinny mcskinson on the left. Sad story but happy ending because I danced with my girls all night long. I prepare myself for failure in events like these, yet put out the steez I know I embody and reflect. 

There's always something that will captivate the eyes at initial attraction even before meeting. DTP and dangle it well. Your steez will come in a lot more handy then you expect. I was washing the car today and Mr.neighbor drives by, tells me I missed a spot, and winks 'Have a nice day'. Now that wasn't even my DTP, that was pure steez.