Douche: The new purple.

Here's the current trend report:

Jersey jackets, atkins diets, and A-holes.

What's the deals, peeps?

Everybody seems to be enthralled by the douchy guy/girl, well aware of their douchiness, let allow him/her to play a vital role in their lives. Why?

Because it gives us some kind of gain.

There are different scenarios for this though, from the perspective of a guy or a girl.

Here's Scenario 1: Guy is Douche.

Girl likes guy.

Guy likes vagina.

Girl is genuinely in like-love with guy.

Guy is genuinely horny, mighty douchy.

Girl lets him hit 1st base. And 2nd, 3rd, 4th.

Guy gets what he wants.

Girl calls guy.

Guy does not answer.

Girl waits for guy.

Guy goes for other girls.

Girl wonders what she did wrong.

Guy parties on.

Girl sees guy with other girl. Cries. Gets pissed.

Yet.

Still keeps guy around.

Why does girl keep guy around?

Girls are programmed to nurture people. We are the baby's bosom and no matter what the scenario is, we have this computer chip of provender and care in us. This is not to say that all girls are like Poor Girl up there. We have different genes, different upbringing, different scenarios, yet quite comparable to a male figure, girls will find more compassion in situations, which brings more questions, more emotion, more logic into play on relationships and life in general.

Girl obviously likes guy. Guy is fooling around, being a guy, bless him, but does not know the actions and effects he is putting on poor girl. She keeps him around because when guy plays hard to get (in which case he might literally be), she goes after him with primal notion. She knows what she wants. And she's going to get it. At least that's what the girl's mind is thinking. For girls, when we see guys, we primitively want them to nurture US, to be the caretakers for us, to protect us from bad, to keep us warm, to be the strong male role model we see ourselves deserving, and ultimately, giving us the right to be a woman. When the man is doing the opposite, and disobeying the law of human nature, he becomes questionable. 

Now how can we fix this?

Is that Girl's first question?

Cause knowing that Girl is genuinely looking for love, looking for commitment, and a wholesome man, she should obviously put this tainted project down and begin a new one. She should. But she doesn't. She's a nurturer and she'll go looking for a way to fix this broken record. What she will go through may be long term or short, emotionally draining or light, and life changing or viciously cycling.

As a woman, I see how we have the passion to fix a man up. To change him from his gritty ways and turn him into a prince. We all want to be the one to change him. If it wasn't you that did, it was the last girl to make him better for you. And if it wasn't her, it might be the next. Whatever the case, it's a beneficial feeling, helping someone out, knowing that they are better off with you. At the same time, you may not be the right one to change them. 

"The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby." - Natalie Wood

Do not get discouraged, our care is genuine and compassionate. But it is literally impossible to change someone if they refuse to be changed. Think about it in their shoes. For Guy, he is a party boy. He is blowing girls off, acting a douche, and not to say that this type of behavior is literally correct, but he could be going through a stage. Just like we all do in life. A good part about the douche factor is that many people quickly ease in and out of it. Some people don't even have it for long. A night, a week, a spring break, we all vary. And girls do it too. Oh girl, we do it too.

Scenario 2: Girl is a ho.

Guy likes girl.

Girl likes guy(s).

Guy wants girl to commit herself.

Girl wants to party.

Guy is head over heels for girl.

Girl is aware, yet gives no compassion.

Guy is pitifully let down, yet still believes things will work.

Why does guy let himself be led on like this?

It's much more pathetic looking at a led-on situation from a guy's perspective. Mainly being, because guys are usually the ones to do it (experience reference). But, these situations do occur and when they do, guys, hold your mutha****** hats. 

Girls are crazy. We know this. You know this. And even the stable girls know this, cause we all have the lunatic pillow-punching bitch deep down inside us. It's not our fault, we come prepackaged with a whole lot of estrogen and when you have that much emotion, boy, it's a whole career trying to balance them out. 

In scenario 2, Guy is infatuated with Girl. It may be her stance, it may be her quirkiness, it may be her professionalism. Whatever the cause, he is sprung and when a dedicated man knows what he wants, he'll get it. Or so he thinks. In a man's world, I believe they like hard-to-get girls because it gives them an honest to goodness challenge. It keeps them busy. It fires their grill and sharpens their steel. A woman, to most men, is one of the most mystical and confusing creatures of all. Which is why they like cars so much. Call a car Baby and she'll never talk back. Anyway, the challenge is there and there he will go.

Is this why guys don't like the easy girls?

The easy girls are usually the ones to put out first. Maybe they know they're easy, maybe they don't. Maybe they're doing it on purpose, maybe it's genuine. Most guys will still hit that and be done. There was no challenge. He don't wanna stay around for any b.s. He had a deed, like you both were well aware of, and both of you got it done. Case closed, hasta luego. Does that make girls sad? Do birds fly?

One of the hardest things for girls, and guys alike, is the point of after-hook ups. There is a hint of 'now what' in the air. For girls, it's a clear case of 1. 'Ugh I never want to see him again' (Douchebags, this is your gold), or 2. 'I like him, he better change his Facebook status NOW'. If you're in between, honey, you're bound to flip one switch soon. For guys, well 1. 'That was great. Bye.' or 2. 'That was great. Round 2?'. Why do we have to be so different?

I could keep going on and on about this situation. It is the problem of centuries. However, there is a simple basic answer to it:

Do what you enjoy.

Be happy.

If he/she ain't giving you the love, drop them.

There's no need to be mean in the process; let them know how you feel and if their answer is different than yours and the door is looking shut, walk yourself out. We, as human beings, should be thriving, beautiful, lively, LIVING. Not tied down in bullshit shenanigans that we see happen over and over again in movies and tv and to our best friends.

Do not ever, ever, ever change yourself for someone else. 

You are much too f****** important for that. You can change your clothes, do your hair, put on some shoes, but keep what's inside REAL.

The time is now.

If you're in a douchy relationship and you are reading this, take it from me, it's not getting any better. 

You will. 

The Human Experience

"When you go somewhere out of your own comfort zone, out of your own realm, that's learning."

I watched this documentary last night before I went to bed. It made me cry from half an hour in to end. There are some perspectives that can trigger every single person, especially when they involve homelessness, children, disabilities, and 'the journey'.

This film follows two young brothers and their friends travelling across the globe in search of the human experience. Through feeling powerless and humility to rising above the feeling of life, they encounter a mass array of emotions and eye-opening experiences. Human experiences. Interviews with a doctor, a rabbi, a reverend, spiritual, artistic, medical, and philosophic experts are showcased throughout the film, alongside the beautiful cinematography and montages.

Family is a big component of this movie. Struggles and trials will be handed to you throughout your lifetime, your beautiful lifetime, and it is part of this hardship that we get from beginning to end, a full plate of life experiences and knowledge. With the people, family or extended family around in your life, love is there. If the world is all about people, we must work towards helping one another, as we are all brothers and sisters. This is an easy perspective to forget in the modern world.

Things I thought about throughout watching:

Life is for other people.
We work hard to live because we know that we are valuable, to someone out there.

Objects are unnecessary.

A person committing suicide will regret it at last moment's breath.

Life is significantly precious.

Homeless people are equivalent to spiritual leaders.

A child's emotion is the most powerful in the world.
Drama is interesting to us because it is life's lessons, in anyone's point of view.

Inside is more beautiful than the out.

Warped mind-settings are scattered all around us, choose wisely.

Travel > nice car, clothes, material objects.

We will feel the need to live, no matter what the circumstances, that's how valuable the breath of life is.

Passion is the gas to our soul-cars.

With a wholesome family bond comes strength for human experiences, without them, we are set back a couple of steps, but who's to say that doesn't make the experience more worthwhile?

Watch this movie if you get the chance. Maybe it won't change your life, but it will bring some human back into your life. 

"Life is other people. It's just that simple. And if you view each of the others that you meet as being a component of yourself, it can change things."

(Happy Labor Day.)

How Alcohol Affects Relationships

I have seen this way too many times in my past. Recently, it's been dawning on me that relationships do not deserve foul play and misconducted words. Especially when they could potentially become bigger than you imagine.

This post could not be written without personal interlude, so here I go.

I am weary when it comes to relationships and initial meeting. I like to drink. I like to party. 50% of people I meet are at parties/bars/clubs/bonfires/on the beach day drinking. At current times, I feel like majority of the world abuses alcohol. And that's an understatement when you realize HOW much alcohol (we) consume. Parties are the norm, as are including drinks, weekly happy hours, and daily beers/wine. HEY, I LOVE alcohol and I'm not here to judge but let's just say that we're all alcoholics here and I'll state the problem: It blurs our perception.

2 of the past relationships I've been in consisted of hooking up drunk one night and getting to know each other after. It was fun, but very condescending. I guess it's because the initial attraction got the best of us. These two stories are similar because they both started the same. Guy 1 and I lasted a good year, but eventually broke it off because we were too distant. I figure the alcohol had a lot to do with it anyways because we were partying like it was 2009. It was. If you turn that upside down, that's 6,002 which is probably how many gallons of jack daniel's we tanked while in dating mode. Dating mode was more like 'party with my boyfriend' mode because while we were together, it was still a rager. I like(d) being reckless at this time, so I didn't really give a f*** what happened. End.

Guy 2 is still bothering me to this day. Although it had been a while since I dated, I came across him at an odd time. We were like best friends in a party house full of crazy people. Our time sure was chaotically unforgettable...until we woke up with blurred memories. We had an eye for each other. The thing is, we were always partying together and saw each other in the daylight probably 10% of the time we knew each other. One day I gave him a ride in my truck. It was silent. Not to mention, when I did hang out with him, I would notice these butterflies going off, completely healthy, but I didn't know how to respond to them. I got (still get) nervous around him and there's only one reason for that: We're always drunk together. How are you supposed to get to know someone when you're always slizzered? How are you even supposed to know that person likes you if every time they see you, you're buzzed? And on top of that, how are you even supposed to HAVE feelings for someone when your mind is put on the shelf? SIGHHHH it's a complicated process. Yet so simple when you look at it from a MADD perspective. Now I realize that we only get along when we're drunk. That's horrible! We considered dating in 'real life' yet things failed to unfold. We told each other some serious things under the influence. I went on thinking we were right for a long, long time and finally came to my senses after I drunk dialed him one last time. RIP strange but lovely relationship.

Yes I like to reminisce. Even when things are shiesy, cuz we'll all have them at some point in our lives. *REMEMBER, stranger, or one I know, When things get tough, don't sweat the small stuff. There's always tomorrow, things aren't as bad as they seem when you look back at them down the road and in order to have a high life, we must have some downs too...but we can make the best of any situation, like creating a blog to share our stories* (lol I just pity-partied myself). Anyway, alcohol will get the best of us. By best, I mean our feelings. This was one of the best things that has ever happened to me, up and down and up and down. I still think about Guy 2 alllllllll the freaking time and to contemplate isn't bad. It's changing my perspective on how I view people under the influence. Alcohol is an inducer. It will induce anything 50% more than you would actually feel it, besides any physical actions of course. (How many times have you fell on the sidewalk and not felt a thing until morning time when your hip is hurting like a mf-er). Alcohol will f*** with you emotionally, which is why it is so very wise to stray away from emotional drinking. So the next time you meet someone of interest, give them some water and a breathalizer test. Or just take them out to lunch.

Relationships are vital things in a modern day chock full of money, finances, stress, aliens, and a fight to the top. We're all we really need for each other, and what these songs say are true. All you need is love. So don't blame it on the al-al-al-al-co-hol when things are looking crumbly because U are in control of everything. If the relationship is important to you, skip blurring yourself up with the booze. Spend time with someone who makes you happy and work towards a relationship you can invest in.

I don't like my best friend's boyfriend.

Ever happened to you?

Let me start off by explaining a little bit of last night...

It was my best friend's going-away party. We had about 10 people with us, 4 of us being the original clan mates from middle school. Of course, her boyfriend came along which was no biggie. We had a couple rounds of drinks/pitchers/shots and spent good quality time together. We left a few hours later, and had carpooled, so I was driving best friend, her boyfriend, and one of my other girlfriends home. We're leaving the area, joking with each other, and I call the boyfriend by his ethnic name (which my friend had told me a week prior, and happened to be really funny). He took it waaay out of proportion, feeling attacked and drunk at the same time. He starts going off, bad-mouthing, and dropping a low-blow, bringing up my personal issues. I was getting beyond irritated with him at this point and pulled over, giving him an ultimatum. I told him he was being a drunken dickhead and that he was taking things way too personally. He could either get out and walk home or shut up for the rest of the ride home. He shot back with "You don't know me!" and I really didn't want to anymore. We argued like grown children for a time being, as his mouth led me to telling him to GTFO of the car. He flipped on me, saying how messed up that would be and that I'd have to get cops over there to get him out of the car. This argument was getting ridiculous. My poor friend was sitting there looking distressed, while my other friend was trying to calm both of us down. I realized how stupid we were being, as it was my friend's last night with us and apologized to her, deciding to drop him off. Now what really upset me was not the fact that she was staying with him that night, not the fact that I drove around listening to him go off about his upbringing for the rest of the ride, but the fact that she, my best friend, was in love with this guy. It crushed me. 

"We can't change others. We can only change ourselves (and accept the unchangeable)"

Ultimately, when we are put in sour situations like the one last night, there's a fine line between helping and controlling. We can't change anything that is out of our control. It is not natural, nor is it in our power to conduct someone else's life. The most we can do is be a lending hand, giving our loved ones the best intentions we can offer as friends, knowing and respecting their wishes, as we would want them to do for us. 

As her best friend, I'll always want the best for her. Even though I feel like she could be with someone better, she picked him for reasons I can't understand, and shouldn't feel the need to. I can give her all the advice possible, yet in the end, it is her life and I respect her decisions.

Upon waking up this morning, my best friend's boyfriend had blown up my phone with apology texts and sorries. Knew it. With everything that has happened in the few months we have met and known each other (and majority of the time, disliking him), he is not a bad person. I swallow some pride when I say that, but I do mean it. He makes her happy and that's all I ever want for my friends. If he is someone that will be connected to my friend in the long run, he is someone I'd like to keep close.

Like M. Scott Peck said:

Share our similarities, celebrate our differences.

(Just don't celebrate those differences with too much alcohol or you might end up like the people in that picture)

Crazy Stupid Love

That is what it is, ISn't it?

For all my life, I've known love as two things. A passion and a drug. They counteract each other, in my eyes. But who am I to say; I've been in countless mind-boggling relationships and one-night flannagans that I can't even (and probably shouldn't) start flabbergasting about the stupid and downright slutty things I've done in the past. And even if I should, would that change my perspective? Probably not. So I will.

When I was 15, I fell in love with the fourth guy I had ever dated. He was incredible. Skateboard: Check. Body: Check. Mysteriousness: Check. Clyde for Bonnie: Check. He was good for me, because he was exactly what I wanted to experience at the time. So we ran off together, literally, because we had cut many ties with people we knew for being together (sorry third boyfriend). I discovered emotions that had never been opened before, passion pouring from the seal, and a dependency I had been unaware of until I was in a rock bottom relationship. We did a lot of drugs. That's what got us closer and more into the 'warp hole'. We also spent our days ditching school and leaving the world to fend for itself, including the people and friends in it. Our futures were looking shiny, but that was probably just the ecstasy. 

I can't replicate the passion that was first unwound from its haven those few years into fiend-infested love. It was like a drug. It pulls you in, plays with your emotions, passes by the tension of the world, and one day, you down. 

We ended up calling it quits, as an understatement, because we went through MANY fights, break-ups, make-ups, thrashing, screaming, pushing, hate and love spirals, and eventually, years of post existence. No one made me feel the way his neurons injected into my brain cells did, in the dance of serotonin we made love to. Crazy enough to say, it took me three and a half years to get over him. 

The next few years of my life consisted of meeting new people and reconnecting with those I hadn't seen since being in the 'warp hole'. I had a good time. I even made friends with a nice french man, whom took me to France one night. From skater dater, I became p**** player and that's around the time my mojo, not to mention cockiness came into par. I have fell in love 3 1/2 times in my life and the second one was in Cali. This one went smoother than the previous, to say the least, yet was a vicious cycle in itself. Long distance combined with infidelity and alcoholism equated into a horrible destruction of the finest emotion to fuck with, love (sorry love). We called it quits after a year and moved on.

The third man (by man, I mean Real Man) I loved was the most humble and generous person I have ever come across in my life. We worked together, as he was the cook and I was the server. I don't know if it was the work ethic that got us so hot and steamy, but we ended up turning a one-night stand into a year-and-a-half relationship. This was the most vital, healthy, and well-being relationship I have ever been in (like a whole wheat breakfast). Things turned clammy when I played a bad move in our field and cheated on him with the fourth guy I halfway fell in love with.

Which brings us to present time. 

The guy I halfway loved came and went. He is still in my mind. I think about him a lot, even though I know this is for the better. He reminded me of the first boy I became friends with in kindergarten. Fun, loving, and squishable; the  best qualities of a boy friend. We squished a lot. And dated for about 4 months. We never considered ourselves a 'thing' which bugged the shitake mushrooms out of me, but I let it pass. One day I confronted him and pushed him to 'the talk'. He explained that we were just friends, that he didn't want to base our relationship off of sex (which is initially how it started off, FWB style). I understood, and slowly tucked the love letter I had for him away in my bag. The next week he found out I had shagged one of his friends. 

Love has always been a drug and a passion of mine, no matter what the consequence. I believe that I would move across the globe for someone I love. I'd donate my organs to the one I love. I'd even start a blog centering on love. 

The hardest thing I know right now, is being on my own. As depressing and de-womanizing as it seems, I get  lonely and borderline unstable without a man around. In the time of trial and malfunction, I had been nurturing a love I had for another person for so long (from person to person), that I had lost myself in the doing. Not only was I depending on another human being for support and comfort, but giving a whole chunk of myself as receptivity. When you add the equation, that's 100% energy used (and inadvertently directed). This is and will be the first time I'm on my own since I was 18. Though times will be spent in solitude and minor depressants, I know in my heart that for me to love anyone the way I loved these 4 people, there has to be a change through growth. Growth is the only thing keeping us alive, for the day we stop learning, the day we stop living.

Conclusion: If I do have a passion, it is love. Even if that love is a drug. So in a productive scenario, we keep this love going. Through career, through passion, through people, and most importantly, through your own being (you can't love someone if you don't love yourself).

SO LOVE YOURSELF!

TOUCH YOURSELF!

DO YOU,

and by doing this, you don't need any protection ;-)